


Circles

by headlessnicks



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:48:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26326642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/headlessnicks/pseuds/headlessnicks
Summary: Severus awakes in the afterlife, and is surprised to see who is waiting for him.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 23
Kudos: 68





	1. Chapter 1

He was blind, Severus thought, as he tried to move through the darkness. His hands were reached out in front of him, trying to grasp any solid object in his way for support. He was dead, he knew that, he had been staring into Harry’s eyes as he died. He was absolutely certain he was dead.

Then where the hell was he? Gasping inwardly at the choice of words, he wondered if he _was_ in hell. But his Muggle father had spoken of fire and brimstones, had he not, and the darkness he was stumbling in was anything but. _Not hell then_ , he muttered assuredly.

”Hello?” he shouted into the void, and listened. No answer. Big surprise, he thought. And then he felt it. A sharp pain shot through his leg, as though someone had aimed a really hard kick at it. He let out a groan as he clutched at it.

”He’s waking!” someone yelled.

”Hold him back! Stop-you’re not-don’t-!” said another voice.

Severus frowned. Now where had he heard that voice before? He continued walking forwards, and the darkness seemed to be fading away. He squinted, he could see a small light at the far end of a tunnel. Now this Muggles had definitely talked about, he had seen films where the person would walk into a bright white light to finally “move on”, as they aptly put.

Thinking he’d very much like to move on, Severus hurried towards it. The last time he’d run this excitedly was to board the Hogwarts Express when he’d been eleven years old. His heart raced as he wondered what waited on the other side. _Anything but snakes_ , he wished silently.

The light was coming from above a small hole from above. He could see shadows moving about, but calling out to them did nothing. He was just about to attempt a jump to see if he could somehow miraculously reach for the hole when he felt another stab of pain on his face this time.

”Agh!” he exclaimed.

”About time. Told you this would do it, Prongs!”

Severus blinked, horrified.

Sirius Black, as young as ever, was standing over him looking very much as arrogant and sheepish as he had always been. He had his arms crossed over his chest and was looking at Severus with a fixed grin.

”Think your slap might’ve sent him back to the living there, mate.”

”P-Potter?” Severus stuttered as he focused to the figure standing behind Black.

”Ah, Snivellus, welcome back!” Potter replied as he held fast onto a young Remus Lupin. Lupin was struggling to break free but Potter was much stronger than he.

”Where the hell am I?” Severus asked glancing around him.

”You-wait-Snape-I’m going to-kill-you-“ Lupin said, snarling through Potter’s arms.

Severus turned to look at Black with a blank face.

”Moony here’s upset with you still, Snape, can’t say I blame him. I don’t think it’s possible to die again but I reckon he’s going to try,” Black said casually, moving to wind a strand of hair behind his ears.

”You wanna kill me again, Lupin?” Severus asked.

Lupin looked positively murderous. He had clawed Potter’s hand, and Potter had released his grip on the wild man. Lupin lunged at Severus, and the two of them fell on the flat ground with a gasp.

Severus felt a bone snap in his face as Lupin’s fist went into it. He struggled to get free as Black roared with laughter in the background somewhere. He _was_ in hell, there was no way this was some nightmare he was having. He had died and now he was in hell. I’d rather take the burning in eternity over this any other day, was his last thought as he felt Lupin’s weight lift off of him.

”Sirius, stop laughing and help me!” Potter cried as he tugged Lupin away from Severus. Severus jumped to his feet, nursing his bottom lip that had already swelled to twice its normal size.

”He’s got a lip to match that nose of his,” Black jeered.

”Potter, you seem like the reasonable one here, what the hell are we all doing here?” Severus asked desperately.

Potter pushed Lupin into Black’s open arms and he had quieted a little. Potter stepped towards him, one hand moving to ruffle his already messy hair. Severus held down the urge to roll his eyes.

”You’re dead.”

”I figured as much, what with seeing the visions of dead people before me.”

”When you die,” Potter continued, shooting him a glare, “you end up here in this place. It’s sort of like the nether-world, it’s like a waiting room until your person comes to get you.”

”Your person?”

”Yeah, someone whose already passed on but not _really_ passed on,” Potter explained.

”I see where your son gets his intelligence from. Do you think you could possibly elaborate on that, Potter?”

Another withering glare was set in his direction but he couldn’t care less. He needed to get his answers, and needed to get them before Lupin decided to have a throw-down again.

”Alright, let’s say for instance I died, right? So my dad-he was waiting to come and get me, he was my person. Once he’d taken me to the other side, he moved on for real. And now I’m waiting for old Padfoot here (Sirius did a little twirl with Lupin) but I can’t move on like my dad because I haven’t finished being somebody’s person. I’ll be waiting here until...”

”Potter gets here. The other Potter.”

Potter nodded.

“So is this person thing really necessary? Couldn’t you try and move on on your own?”

Lupin laughed coldly at that.

”Worried no one’s coming to get you, Snape? If I were you I would be...who’d want to come and save a murdering bastard like you?”

”I think we ought to settle this first, I can’t have you poking in with my conversation with Potter here. Go ahead, Lupin, what’s got your knickers in knot?” Severus asked, looking rather cross.

Lupin looked at Black who shrugged his shoulders.

”What’s got my knickers in a knot? What’s got my-he has the nerve...what’s got my knickers in a knot, Snape, is the fact that you show up here after killing Dumbledore and god knows how many more people-“

”-I assure you, Lupin, the last thing I wanted was to to appear here with all of you present. Hell, I thought I’d never get to see any of your horrible faces again.”

”You see? He doesn’t even deny it! And you were defending him, James-!” Lupin exclaimed, his face turning red.

”He had to, Moony. I’ve been here longer than you have and I’ve told you, he really did turn before Voldemort went and did my wife and me in. I watched him keep my boy safe, just like you did, and if I’m right, Snape’s given Harry what he needs to kill Voldemort once and for all.”

James had spoken with a sense of urgency, his voice was fast but sure and Severus felt a rush of gratitude for the man.

”But, Dumbledore-“

”Dumbledore was dying,” Severus said quietly, “he was dying and I tried to stop it, I did. And when he asked me to kill him, I didn’t want to but he made me-“

”-oh he made you, did he? _I’ve decided to give you the Defense position, oh and by the way Severus do you think you could do me in when you’re free, thanks!_ Is that how it went?”

Black sniggered, stopping only when Lupin glowered at him.

”Not quite as dramatic as that but yes, that was how it happened. I don’t care if you believe me, Lupin. I’m tired of convincing people whose side I’m on, I’ve been doing that all my life when I was alive and now that I’m dead I’d very much like to just me my own man,” Severus whispered.

Lupin didn’t speak for a minute. And then-

“Fine, whatever.”

Severus, confident that Lupin wouldn’t attack him anymore made to walk a little distance from them so he could think in peace. From where he stood, he could still hear their conversation.

”Is Tonks-did she make it?” Lupin asked.

There was a beat-and then Severus heard Black give the werewolf his apologies.

”She was gone in a second, right after you went in fact,” Potter added.

”So why didn’t she appear then? Why’d we have to see him instead?” Lupin asked, throwing a rude look towards Severus.

Severus pulled a face in response.

”She’s going to find her person somewhere else. Because you died at the same time, I think there wasn’t enough time for you to be hers. Her mum will probably bring her back.”

”Will I see her again?”

”You will, mate. All of the others, well, we’ve sort of got a show to catch in a little while. So everyone who’s not moved on will be there. I’ve asked Lily to save us some seats upfront,” Potter said with a grin.

Severus felt his heart lurch at the mention of his old childhood friend. He longed to see her again, but he knew it was impossible. He hated to admit it but he didn’t have _a person_. His father despised him, and his mother hadn’t cared about him when he’d been alive so he had no hope she would now. His parents were out of the question. He thought of Dumbledore, but he was certain that the man had moved on long ago. He didn’t have anyone else to wait for, did he? There’s no one, Severus thought as his heart sank. He was going to be the only person who would be stuck here because no one else cared about him enough here. With a snort, he realized he hadn’t had anyone in the world of the living either.

Really wonderful way to go, wasn’t it? He was the definition of a no-good scumbag. He hadn’t bothered trying to make friends, and any person who had shown any interest in him had immediately been insulted and thrown to the wolves at the first opportunity. He was friendless, and unloved. How embarrassing.

The Marauders were now discussing about Lupin’s child. Potter was assuring Lupin that Harry would take care of the boy like he was his own. Severus had no doubt about that, the boy was a sucker for charity cases. He’d heard about how two house elves had given their absolute loyalty to them, and that was no easy feat. Especially the one that had not so very long ago sold Black out to the Dark Lord.

”Come on, we need to get going if we want to catch the show,” Black interjected.

What on earth was this show they keep talking about? _Not like you’d know_ , he thought viciously, _you’ll be stuck here while everyone else will be going to the show...whatever that meant._

”Oi, Snivellus, you coming?” Potter called.

Severus scrunched his face in an attempt to conceal the flash of hurt he felt.

”No. I don’t think anyone’s coming.”

”Sorry?”

”I haven’t got a person like you lot, Potter! I don’t have a ridiculous group of friends so tightly wound around each other that you wait for the other to drop dead like flies so that you can come and be their person and bring them to where it is you’re supposed to bring them!” he shouted bitterly.

Severus found, in that instant, that he was so overcome with jealousy and bitterness that it reflected in his tone and his voice and his face.

Black smirked, and Severus wanted to slap him.

”Oh, go on, James. Let me give him a good kick again. Or another slap on the face ought to do him some good, Padfoot,” Lupin muttered under his breath.

”You two go on ahead, I’ll catch up,” Potter said, watching the two of his friends walk up a trail that had suddenly appeared. He turned to Severus.

”Dumbledore was supposed to be your person,” he started.

”What?” Severus questioned in surprise.

”Yeah, he was supposed to come down here and get you back with us but he had to go see someone else first,” Potter said.

Severus felt his mood lighten a little. It was disappointing in the least to learn that Dumbledore had decided to drop him to be someone else’s person, but it cheered him all the same to know he wasn’t completely unloved.

”Does that mean he won’t come for me anymore?”

Potter smiled, wrapping his arm around Severus’ shoulder. Severus stiffened, as he usually did when anyone made contact with him.

”He could always come and get you later but I didn’t want you to miss the show-“

”-why do you keep talking about the show? Is this some after life inside joke or something?”

”You’ll see. Come on,” Potter added, guiding Severus along the path.

”But...my person? I haven’t got one.”

Potter sighed now but it was a mocking one.

”I’m your person, Severus. I told Dumbledore I would bring you back. Now come on,” Potter replied.

Potter was his person? Surely this _was_ the end of the world. The two of them walked silently along the path, and Severus was buzzing with questions. Potter seemed to have guessed as much.

”You think very loudly, you know that?” he said, peering from behind his lopsided glasses with an amused expression.

Severus had many questions to ask Potter but only one seemed to be repeating over his mind. Potter seemed to have guessed that too.

”Lily’s waiting for us,” he said simply.

Severus swallowed, and figured he should just get on with it.

”You know...about-“

”Your feelings for Lily? I’d be stupid not to know! I’ve known all along, Severus.”

Severus was gawking at him now.

”You-you knew...how?”

”I’m not blind, Severus! I’ve seen the way you looked at her, and how you were always hanging around her–why do you think I picked on you so much? I was jealous!”

”You were jealous...of me?” Severus asked.

Potter nodded seriously, and then the two of them started laughing. It seemed so stupid now, to look back on one of the worst experiences Severus had ever had and to know it was because his old school bully had been jealous of him.

”And I hated you because I was jealous of you too,” Severus admitted, “you were rich and pure blood, you were good looking and good at Quidditch. And I knew it’d be a matter of time before she fell for you too.”

He had kept this inside for so long that it made him feel better, spewing it out to his old nemesis who looked sorry to hear it.

”I shouldn’t have bullied you, it was wrong of me. I knew you were having problems-with your House, and with your family, and I did it anyway. And I never should’ve let Sirius plant that awful prank on you. If I’d known what he was planning to do, I would have stopped him earlier.”

”I know. I was angry for so long that it blinded me to the truth. And I regret for taking it out on Lupin, he hadn’t known and still I did my best to hunt him down–I was a fool.”

”He’ll come around, give him time. Sirius managed to change his opinion of you, and if he can do it, anyone can.”

Severus glanced at Potter.

”Really? Black knows he’s been wrong about me all along? Must have done wonders for his ego,” Severus interjected and Potter laughed.

”He didn’t want to admit it but he saw what you did. He saw you pay for your mistakes with blood-how you kept going back to Voldemort no matter how bad it got...”

Potter smiled at him and there was a flash of sympathy in the hazel brown eyes now.

”I had to. I had to pay for what I did.”

The conversation had taken a somewhat painful turn now, he found. Might as well get over it, Severus thought as he clenched his hands by his sides.

”I’m sorry,” he said in a robotic voice, completely empty of emotion. And then he realized he was crying.

”I’m sorry, Potter,” he said through a tear stained face,” I never meant for him to kill you both. I was young and stupid and I know it’s not an excuse but-“

”-but you made up for it. You warned Dumbledore and he kept us safe for a while. We hadn’t known that Peter would betray us like that, believe me, it broke Lily’s heart when she found out...”

Potter was looking straight ahead, and Severus took that moment to wipe away the tears. He thought he saw Potter smile.

”She-she’s there? Where we’re going I mean?” Severus asked cautiously.

Potter looked at him sheepishly.

”I just-I want to apologize to her too-“

”Yes. Yes, she’s there,” the other man replied a little too hesitantly.

Severus did not bring it up. They walked another meter before Potter opened his mouth again.

”Look, she-she obviously _knows_ you’re one of the good guys but er-if I were you, I’d wait a little while before talking to her?”

Severus’ face fell.

”She hates me, doesn’t she?” he asked, dejected.

”Hate’s a strong word. More like...dislikes you, that’s all. She was kind of mad when you sort of bullied Harry at school-“

Severus groaned, throwing his hands over his face.

”Why were you so mean, anyway?” Potter asked, tilting his head at him.

”I was an idiot, Potter! I was just this angry, angry man and when I saw your double walking the halls and corridors it just made me angrier. Thank Merlin that the Longbottoms’ aren’t there to greet me either,” Severus said miserably.

”Oh yeah, poor Neville,” Potter said grinning again.

Seeing Severus’ defeated face, Potter nudged him a little.

”Ah come on, she’ll come around, you’ll see,” he said.

”Really?” Severus asked.

”I think so. But best stay away for now, she can still throw a punch pretty good,” Potter teased.

As they made their way through the rest of the trail, Severus’ only thought was of what he could possibly say to Lily once he saw her again.


	2. Chapter 2

Severus and James had walked a distance before he finally laid his eyes on a large stone wall that stood over them, towering so high it looked like it touched the sky. James looked at him.

”You ready?” he asked.

”For what?”

”This here is _it_ , Severus. You step through here and it means that you’ll be dead for real.”

Severus processed this for several minutes. He frowned.

”Does that mean I’m not dead yet? I could...I could go back? If I wanted?”

James was watching him curiously.

”Well, generally when you end up here it means that your body’s died. When your soul leaves your physical body, it arrives here. Usually your person takes you here, and this is where you finally acknowledge the final truth: that you are dead, and that you’re ready to pass on. I suppose you could try and return to your body but I saw how it happened, Severus. The snake-the injuries were too extensive and by the time Harry left...”

”I understand,” Severus replied.

His body was dead. And it was very likely he couldn’t go back if he tried. Did he even want to go back? There was nothing else back there, there wasn’t anyone waiting for him either. No, he had given his life for the cause, and the cause was coming to an end soon (he hoped). He was dead, and he wanted to move on.

”I just...step through?” Severus asked awkwardly. James grinned.

”Yeah, just like this,” he replied as he dramatically stepped backwards and vanished through the veil.

With a grunt, Severus followed shortly.

To say that the world beyond the veil was beautiful was perhaps an understatement. Severus wondered how a land such as this was only a temporary passing before you actually crossed over. The image he was seeing laid across from him what everything he had imagine the after life to be, and then some.

The closest he could describe the magic of this place was its resemblance to Hogwarts. He didn’t mean that there was an actual castle standing before him but rather a misty reflection of it. The ground was soft beneath his boots, as though it were made from the same material as clouds were. The fog that surrounded them was thin and see-through, and was cold to the touch. It felt like dawn, the moment when the sun was just about to rise but it wasn’t. Where the castle stood in the land of the living, here it was just a vast land of emptiness covered by patches of clouds that resembled grass. The lake was where it had always been though except rather than to see its deep murky waters, he could see images of figures moving about below.

”James! James-bloody-Potter, where the _hell_ have you been? I have been searching for you everywhere, your son needs–“

Severus had recognized her voice before the whirl of red and green flashed over his eyes. He felt his throat dry up as he forced his gaze towards the ghost of the woman that had haunted him nearly all his life. Except, she wasn’t a ghost this time. Lily Potter was standing in front of him, looking every bit as fearless as she had always been.

*

Lily had been caught off guard at the sight of him. She hadn’t expected it, she had come running into the picture to tear her husband’s head off for vanishing without telling her. She had never expected to see him here with none other than old Severus Snape by his side. Lily blinked twice, her mouth agape.

”You-“ she spluttered, her eyes jumping from Severus to James as she tried to understand, “you _died_.”

”Well, yeah, I’d think you’d have noticed I was dead by now...what with us being see-through and all,” James said in fake mockery.

”What-? I was talking to him, you idiot,” Lily snapped.

Severus’ eyebrow raised and a corner of his mouth twitched if only a little. Lily felt a strong urge to laugh but looking at the man brought back the old bitter memories she had kept locked away in a corner of her mind.

”Yes. Yes, I’m dead,” she heard him say.

”Good. You certainly deserve it,” Lily snapped again, crossing her arms as James stepped toward her in defense.

”Lily, wait-“ 

“No-no you don't get to step in and try to be the better man here, James!”

”Just hear me out first-“

”She’s right.”

Severus’ voice rang out like an echoing church bell in the air. The husband and wife exchanged furtive glances, and Lily scrunched her nose in obvious dislike as he spoke.

”You shouldn’t defend me. Whatever she needs to say to me, she can,” he said, swallowing nervously.

James threw his hands up, and muttered under his breath but said nothing as Lily marched to where Severus stood.

”You have the nerve to come here-and-and what are you doing here exactly?”

”I don’t know. I died and when I woke, I was there and so was Potter and Black and Lupin-“

”Remus? He’s dead too? James?” she asked, looking to her husband now in distress. He merely nodded, and Lily bit her lip resisting the urge to strike something. Remus had just gotten married, and Tonk had been pregnant too...

“Lily, listen-“

”NO! No, I don’t want to listen to what you have to say! You _listen_ to _me_ now, Severus Snape! I have been waiting for years to ask you...how could you? You knew-you knew I hated what you were turning into and you still let them convert you into one of _them_! And then what do you do? You tell your precious Dark Lord about Harry-our son would have been murdered in cold blood because of you! James and I couldn’t raise our baby boy-couldn’t love him like we wanted to because _you took that away from us_!”

”Please-“ Severus said but she was nowhere near finished.

”And then what do you do? You spend the next six years torturing my son-you bullied him and hurt him over and over and for what? So you could feel some sort of sick twisted vindication for humiliating James Potter’s son? Was that what it was about?”

”I was stupid-I didn’t-it was a mistake-“

”Oh, I’ve heard this one before. It’s a classic Severus-excuse, isn’t it? You become a Death Eater but of course you were stupid at the time, so that made it okay did it? You sell your best friend to Voldemort but it was just a mistake surely? I wish you’d stop pretending everything was a mistake and just admit that you were far in over your head and you let people die because of your own selfishness-“

”-you’re right, I did let people die because of my stupidity and my selfishness. I sat back and watched when my Death Eater friends tortured and killed people, and I willingly obeyed the Dark Lord when he ordered me to follow Dumbledore. Do you think for a second that I do not regret standing back and watching innocent people being murdered for no reason at all? Do you think I didn’t sit up every night, awake at odd hours because I could see their ghosts haunting me? Do you think I ever forgave myself for letting _you_ die?”

”Oh, boohoo, Severus! That doesn’t excuse any of the things you did! You’re partially to blame for my son growing up an orphan but of course you’re sorry about it so that makes it okay-go ahead, make an excuse, that’s what you’re good at isn’t it-?”

”Lily-“ James started.

”You stay out of this!” Lily screamed.

”I’m not making excuses,” Severus whispered, “I’m not. I know the mistakes I’ve done, believe me. I tried-I didn’t know how to make up for what I’d done to your son, I was sorry and I didn’t know how...I tried but every time I saw him I just...I was so angry-with myself, with him, with everyone...I didn’t know _how_.”

”You could’ve done better. You should have,” she said, her voice sounding cold. And then to James:

”Harry knows what he has to do. He’s going to the Forest...we need to be there for him when he....”

James pulled her towards him, crushing her in a tight embrace. The tears on her face smudged her husband’s disheveled shirt but he didn’t seem to mind.

“You alright there, Evans?”

*

Severus turned quickly to see Black striding towards them, his arms looped around Lupin’s shoulders. Lily broke away from Potter and regarded Severus with a scathing look before giving her full attention to Lupin.

”Remus-your son...I’m sorry,” she said softly.

”He will grow up in a world his parents died trying to save. That’s enough for Tonks and I to go on. And besides, we made Harry his godfather...I trust him to look after Teddy.”

Severus’ eyes were on his feet, and he wished more than anything he could just whither away from here. He knew what Dumbledore had told him, that Lily Potter’s son had always been destined to die. There was nothing he could do to stop it, nothing to prevent the inevitable.

”I can feel him calling, we have to go,” Lily said, her hand tightening over her chest.

Severus watched in horror as she began to dematerialize in front of him and then she was gone. He whirled to face Potter in shock.

”Don’t worry, she’ll be back. Stay here and watch,” Potter said tilting his head towards the lake where clouds of smoke were erupting from below.

”Hope we’ll be back on time,” Black murmured as he watched Lupin vanish next.

”Ready, Prongs?” he asked, giving James a thumbs up as his turn came. James grinned and ran a hand through his hair.

”But where are you all going?” Severus asked exasperatedly.

”He’s about to face him. Voldemort,” Potter replied, “Harry’s about to lay his life down to save everyone. And he needs us there with him. You understand, don’t you? We can’t let him do this by himself...no one should have to die alone.”

There was a calming silence as Severus and Potter exchanged knowing looks.

”I...regret that he must die. He’s a brave man,” Severus offered and Potter smiled.

”I know. He knows too. We’ll be back, and there’ll be plenty time to work things out with Lily. Plenty.”

And with that James Potter vanished into nothingness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Initially I planned for this to only be around 2 chapters but it appears there’ll be at least another one more chapter! In the meantime, enjoy ❤️


	3. Chapter 3

It all happened so fast.

One moment Severus watched Potter’s body hanging limply, and the next it was hurtled forwards as though someone had thrown him across. Someone below shouted, and the others crowded around Severus all murmured loudly as they pointed towards an object.

It took him a second to realize that it wasn’t an object at all. It was a lone figure standing across from the Dark Lord, his chest puffing upwards and his wand held out in front of him.

Harry Potter stood facing Lord Voldemort. They boy, who had been supposed to die, was very much alive and breathing. _The Chosen One_ , they had called him a lifetime ago. And Severus had laughed in their faces.

Miles below where he stood, Potter was shouting at the Dark Lord, their voices sounding like a muffled blur. Beside him, Severus could feel a movement. Through the corner of his eyes he spotted a flash of red hair and was determined not to to look at her. She’d hurt him enough, he wasn’t brave enough to face her wrath again...not yet anyway.

A hand squeezed his shoulder lightly. James Potter came to stand next to him. Lily moved to stand close to her husband so that he blocked Severus’ view of her.

”That’s my boy down there,” Potter said, grinning as he pushed the glasses back to his face.

Severus did not give a response, but rather turned his body back to the scene unfolding below.

The younger Potter was moving now. He was circling around the Dark Lord, who looked absolutely livid to learn that the boy had managed to escape death once again. _You know your time is coming. You know, and that is why you are nervous,_ Severus commented inwards as he watched his former master aim a curse that failed to hurt the crowd behind Potter. The Dark Lord was failing, and Severus had been given the satisfaction to watch.

The two were fighting, but with words rather than with spells. Potter was stalling, trying to make the Dark-no, _Voldemort_ see the error of his ways. And then suddenly he heard his own name echoing back to him.

Severus reddened as Potter yelled to the entire crowd below about how the much-hated Potions Professor had given his life to fight for his mother’s cause. Potter continued to tell Voldemort about Severus’ unwavering feelings for Lily, and how he turned against him the moment she had been threatened.

He heard a small sound escape Lily, but when he glanced at her she was staring straight ahead. He couldn’t focus on what happened next because his head was throbbing. He had given his memories to Potter because he had thought the boy would follow him in death shortly after. He hadn’t expected to see him live, to see him stand to fight Voldemort. Dumbledore had been wrong. Dumbledore had been _wrong_.

A sudden burst of red-gold glow burst over Hogwarts then, and everyone was temporarily blinded by the sunrise for just a moment. Severus’ heart pounded against his chest as Voldemort’s hand raised, and Potter mirrored it. Next to him he heard the husband and wife whisper words of comfort to one another.

” _Avada Kedavra!”_

_”Expelliarmus!”_

There was a brief quiet and Severus could hear nothing but the steady beat of his heartbeat, or the lack of. And then there was an eruption of noise from all around l.

Severus felt as though he couldn’t breathe. His hands began to shake, and his lips were definitely trembling. His feet gave in and he crashed to the floor, kneeling in position. Around him people were screaming.

James Potter had grabbed Black and was kissing him on the face as he cheered, “he did it, Padfoot! He did it!”. Lupin and Tonks were cheering in unison, laughing at the two men’s excitement.

”Are you alright?”

Severus’ eyes snapped to the woman who was squatting in front of him. Gone was the harsh and fury from the green eyes, replaced now by the warmth and kindness he had always remembered.

”He did it. He-he’s dead,” Severus whispered. His cheeks felt wet, and he felt lighter than he had felt in years.

”Yes, yes he is,” she replied.

Lily Potter smiled faintly, and pulled Severus to his feet. His hands were still trembling from the shock but it had lessened somewhat. Lily let go of him, and he instantly missed the comfort of her hand in his.

His eyes followed to where she stood and kissed her husband, laughed at something he said and then leaned to whisper in his ear. Potter’s gaze lingered on Severus and then he gave him a thumb-up.

Lily returned.

”I think it’s time we talked, don’t you?” she asked.

She did not wait for an answer but instead began to walk away from the lake, and the crowd. Severus hurried after her, keeping his distance...just in case. They crossed the grounds and walked downhill to a clear landing where Hagrid’s hut had stood in the other life.

”Do you remember-we came here in our First Year after that incident with...your Slytherin friends?” she asked, settling down on the soft cloud-like grass and staring up at him.

Of course he remembered. The memory had been as important to him as it had been to her at the time. That had been the first time someone, Avery or Goyle he wasn’t sure, had called Lily a Mudblood. They had seen her hanging out with him after classes and had bullied them. _A treacherous half-breed_ , they’d called him then. _The half-breed and his Mudblood girlfriend_. That had been Severus and Lily’s nickname from the Slytherins in the first year.

”Yes,” he breathed, his voice sounding coarse and tired, “this is where you asked me again if it mattered to me that you were Muggleborn.”

She nodded seriously.

”And this is where you swore to me, on your life, that it didn’t. But you lied, Severus. It _did_ matter,” Lily continued but there was no anger in her voice, not a trace of hatred like it had been earlier. She was just telling him what she was thinking, a reflection of some sort.

”It didn’t matter, not to me Lily. I...I didn’t care that you had Muggle parents, I don’t care if you don’t believe me but it’s true,” he argued.

Lily patted the spot next to her, beckoning him to sit. He complied, shedding the ridiculous black robes so that he was sitting in just his usual vest and trousers. She watching him, her lip twitching as though she were recalling an old memory.

”I want to understand you, Severus. This whole time I thought I knew who you were but I was wrong. I was so angry with you that I didn’t _want to_ know. But after everything, after all of this, I don’t think I want to stay angry anymore. Harry defeated Voldemort, and he wouldn’t have if you hadn’t helped him. So today I’m going to do what I should’ve done all those years ago. I’m going to listen. Tell me,” Lily said firmly, turning her body so she was facing him.

”Tell you...tell you what?” Severus asked.

“That year when you called me a Mudblood...you tried to apologize but I wouldn’t listen. So tell me.”

Severus hesitated. His eyes went up to watch hers but there was nothing contemptuous about her face.

”I shouldn’t have called you that. I just wanted to fit in with the rest of the so badly, but the other Slytherins...they never trusted me to be one of them. They didn’t trust me because I was only a poor half-blood with a Muggle father and...”

”And your best friend was Muggleborn,” Lily finished and he nodded.

”So I acted like them. I always fought Potter and Black back then, and everyone knew how I hated their guts so I used that to my advantage. I attacked Potter and his friends whenever I could, and that bought me a ticket in with them but the act grew old quickly. It wasn’t enough, you see, jinxing a couple Gryffindors. The Slytherins, the ones that were important anyway, they started to see I wasn’t like them. So I started talking like them too. They used words like (he mouthed it to her) like that all the time, and it didn’t mean anything to me so I used it too. I swear Lily-I only used it when I talked to them and I didn’t think it would hurt anyone...I was stupid-I just wanted to fit in...and _belong_ somewhere.”

”You did belong, Severus. You had me,” she said sadly.

”Not all the time. You had your friends, and I couldn’t ask you to be around me all the time...that wasn’t fair. I could never ask that of you. Everywhere I looked, people had family. Even Black, whose parents wanted nothing of him found a family with Potter. And Lupin-even though he was just as bad form as me...people still _liked_ him. They _wanted_ him. No one wanted me. Not my father or mother, not my own House.”

Lily’s eyes were boring into him, but Severus didn’t have the strength to face her. He was telling her everything he had been keeping inside of him for all these years. He was breaking open a can of old worms, and he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to ever look at her when by the time he was done going through the entire thing.

”That day-when I called you _that_...Lucius Malfoy had been visiting Hogwarts and he told me he wanted me to move in with him. He thought I had... _potential_ , and he wanted to invest in me...like I was some kind of an object for him to prize over. And I liked it, I liked having someone put their attention on me. I knew he was scouting for people to join the Dark Lord, part of me even hoped he would offer me. I had already written to my mother, telling her I wouldn’t ever be coming back. But someone had told Lucius that I was friends with you, and that I stood for Muggleborn rights,” Severus continued, speaking so fast he was running out of breath. He swallowed, and winced as the next few words poured from his mouth.

”He told me he was disgusted with me. That he’d already told the Dark Lord about my skills, and now he’d have to disappoint him. I was so angry, Lily, with me, with you, with everyone! Here I was, finally given the recognition I thought I deserved, and then I find out I was rejected because I was friends with someone who had no control over her birth right! I was furious, and then in my rage I had to take the defense exams–I couldn’t think or do anything. The questions...I knew the answers but I couldn’t do any of them because I was so angry I couldn’t think.”

”But you had an Outstanding on your DADA OWLs! There were only a dozen people who made scores that high, and I know you were one of them,” Lily exclaimed.

Severus nodded, licking his lips.

”Yeah, it took me a little while but I regained my sense of control and managed to answer everything. And then after that...after that Potter humiliated me in front of everyone and you came to my rescue and my anger resurfaced. I lost control, I thought here I was once again being made a fool only this time _you_ were there too. I wish I could tell you how I felt but I just can’t, Lily. I didn’t realize what I’d said until I had. And I know I’ve said I was sorry and that it doesn’t mean anything anymore but-“

”-it does, Severus,” Lily cut across, patting his knee awkwardly.

”I should’ve listened to you, when you tried to say you were sorry. But I was just as angry and hurt as you were, Severus. I thought that you were my best friend, and when I heard you call me a-well, I was just...”

”...angry,” Severus finished.

They regarded each other in silence.

”I never used it again. And I never let anyone use it in front of me either. That day, when I lost you, I understood the severity of using it so I vowed never to say it again. All it had ever done was make me lose my friend. My best friend.”

Lily smiled.

”And maybe if I’d accepted your apology, I wouldn’t have lost my best friend to the Death Eaters either,” she said now.

Severus shook his head.

”No,” he whispered, “I was already in deep even before Lucius came to me. I was inventing spells that could hurt people...even kill them. I knew what I was capable of, and what my only path was. Your forgiving me wouldn’t have changed what I’d become, delayed perhaps but inevitable nonetheless.”

Lily reached over to squeeze his hand.

”You were capable of dark magic, Severus, but you were just as capable in doing light magic. Did you not perform a Patronus when no other Death Eater could? And yes, you invented spells that could kill people, but didn’t you also create a counter curse for it? You may have done bad things, Severus, but you also did much good in the world. You’re a good person who made a bad choice, that’s all.”

Severus didn’t realize he was crying until Lily pointed it out to him. She wrapped her arms around him and let his weep against her shoulder. He shuddered and shook under her arms but she never moved, not once.

”I forgive you, Severus. For everything you’ve done, I forgive you. And I hope you can do the same for me.”

Severus released himself from her and blinked at her through heavy eyes.

“I didn’t treat your son like a person. I was cruel to him-because he reminded me of him. Of Potter. And every time I saw Potter, I remembered how he had let you die. I was blinded by my own stupid anger and grief that I didn’t realize how much he was like you. He broke rules and walked like he owned the school, but he loved his friends as fiercely as he would’ve loved you and James.”

“He’ll forgive you too, Severus. Eventually. You gave your life to save him, and if he is my son like you say, he’s probably feeling more sorry than I am for it. Now come on, I’ve got to get you back. Dumbledore said he needed to see you once everything was over,” Lily said hastily, wiping her eyes when she thought Severus wasn’t looking.

Reconciliation was a powerful thing, Severus thought as Lily and he made their climb back towards the lake. He had gone for years in misery, never knowing if what he did would be enough to make up for his past. He could rest easy now, knowing that Lily now understood him and his way of life a little better now. There would be more time to explain himself, and to apologize but for now this was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There were a lot of comments saying they were unsatisfied in how the story played out and I think it’s partially my fault as I made a mistake with the tags! I assumed ao3’s relationship tags were meant for platonic ones too so my bad! Another thing I wanted to cover was about why Lily was rude and mean to Severus. In my view I think she was a mother who was about to watch her son die (and not know whether he’d make it back) so when she saw Severus she probably felt confused and angry hence why she lashed out. There is one last chapter and then I’m done with this story. Enjoy!


	4. Chapter 4

As they walked back to join the rest of the crowd, Severus realized that the space between where he and Lily walked was different. He felt at ease now, comfortable even, especially with the silence between them. They had talked, and though there was more that needed to be said, he was content for now.

Besides, he was really looking forward to seeing Dumbledore again. No doubt the man would have a lot to say, he rarely never did. He saw Potter raise his hand slightly at Lily, or perhaps at him he was not sure. Severus gave a curt nod in the man’s direction just in case.

”Everything go okay?” Potter asked as they approached him. Severus’ breath hitched a little at the tone of the man’s voice and the concern on his face, but relaxed when Lily beamed at him and pecked him on his cheek.

”It was fine, we’re fine,” she said, and reached out to squeeze Severus’ hand. Potter ruffled his hair and tugged Lily closer to him, as though it had hurt him to be separated from her for too long.

”Severus.”

The voice had given him a cold, chilled feeling. The hair on his neck stood, and for a moment Severus felt as though he had just heard a ghost before he remembered that he too, was a ghost. Of some sort, anyway. He turned around to see the familiar old wrinkles, crooked nose and piercing blue eyes staring back at him.

”Dumbledore,” Severus breathed, the air in his lungs knocked out for a moment.

”I wish I could say I am glad to see you, dear boy. I’d had hoped you’d have a longer life ahead,” Dumbledore said walking towards him with his arms stretched out, as if waiting for an embrace.

”Come,” the older man said as he wrapped an arm around Severus’ shoulder, “we have much to talk about.”

Severus led him guide them away from Lily and the others to a little clearing overlooking the lake.

”You watched the scene unfold, I presume, and witnessed Lord Voldemort’s death?” Dumbledore asked solemnly.

”Yes. He’s really gone, then?” Severus asked in return.

”When Harry sacrificed himself for the rest of the world and let Voldemort kill him, the last piece of his plans had come undone. His Horcuxes have all been destroyed, and by the end of the battle, his remains were proof that he had finally left his mortality behind.”

There was a pause.

”Yes, he’s gone.” he said again.

Severus stared down to where the lake was, and watched the blurry images below move around. He thought he caught a glimpse of the Weasley girl, the youngest one, with her arms around Potter. Like father, like son, he thought as he let the quiet settle down around him.

”If I’d known he would come after you, I would never have–the Elder Wand, Severus, he killed you because I–“

“Even if he hadn’t killed me, Dumbledore, I’d have died either way. I made it out of the first war, I knew I wouldn’t the second time round. I’d made too many mistakes, just as you have. I don’t hold it against you,” Severus whispered, intent on keeping his eyes on the people below. He saw the silhouette of Minerva McGonnagall marching her way through the students, probably finding words of comfort for them, and those they had lost.

”What happens now?” he asked, turning to look at the old headmaster.

”Well, seeing as our young Harry has done what we had intended him to all this time, I see no reason why we should stay.”

”What does that mean?”

”It means, Severus, that I’m moving on. And I want you to join me.”

Severus thought for a moment.

”Potter...is safe,” Severus said.

”Yes,” Dumbledore replied.

”But that isn’t always going to be the case?”

Dumbledore smiled.

”Knowing Harry and his talent for accidentally finding trouble, I’d say you’re right.”

Severus frowned.

”I made up. With Lily and Potter–I think with some time...perhaps even Lupin and Black,” Severus said, a fond smile working its way to the corner of his lips now.

”I’m glad that you have, Severus. Does that mean you’re staying?”

Severus glanced at Dumbledore, who had a wide smile on his face now.

”I think I’d like to. Besides, I’d like to keep an eye on Potter-I think I’d like to be there someday when he...”

The silence caught up to them once more.

”I am sure Harry will live a long and fruitful life. And I think when he does die, he’ll be glad to see you here, waiting for him, Severus,” said Dumbledore.

”I owe him that at least,” Severus replied.

”You don’t owe anyone anything, Severus. Not anymore. You are a free man, and if your choice is to spend that freedom by looking out for Harry Potter, then I commend you for your loyalty. I hope I will see you again someday, friend.”

Severus watched as Dumbledore began to glimmer, and then slowly fade. It was like watching a smoke fade, and soon the solid form Dumbledore had taken slowly vanished into nothingness. And Severus was stood there, looking at the empty spot where Dumbledore had stood just seconds before.

”He’s gone?”

Severus whirled to find Lily and Potter behind him. He gave them a nod.

”Did he say anything?” Lily asked.

”Yeah, he asked me to go with him,” Severus answered, kneeling down to inspect the spot that Dumbledore had been in.

”Why didn’t you?” it was Potter’s turn to ask.

”I wanted to stay, just for a little while.”

Lily had walked towards him, and placed a hand on his shoulder. Severus got back on his foot, and peered down at her.

”You’re welcome to, as long as you like,” she said softly.

”Yeah, mate, we’ve been looking for a couple players–tell me you’ve improved in Quidditch since school,” Potter said with a grin.

”You play Quidditch? Here?” Severus asked, baffled.

Lily laughed at that. Potter, however, seemed to be dead serious. As the three of them walked back towards the crowd, Severus felt for the first time that he finally had a chance at belonging somewhere.

Maybe death hadn’t been the worst thing to happen to him after all.


End file.
